What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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