What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
