He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
