New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
