i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
