I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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