I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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