blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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