I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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