If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
zippers are such a cool invention
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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