Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
