I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
