I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Pants are for mortals
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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