he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
