So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
