I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
