his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
How external is "for external use only"?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
