I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
