Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
