8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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