apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
