pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
