If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
