i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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