it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
