My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
