So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
