dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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