and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
