Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
