So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
