Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
