kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
