We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
