Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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