How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
