I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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