I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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