it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
