i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
