Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
