She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I need to calm my uterus...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
