im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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