if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
