we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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