Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
