got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
