the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
