Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize