I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
