lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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